Mom's Weekend

This past weekend was a great weekend with my Mom's Group. There were highs and there were lows, but there always are. We had three new moms this weekend. All three lovely ladies. Two of them, had lost little girls too. I guess my baby girl isn't the only one amongst all boys anymore. Also, two of the new ladies loss' were within the last few months. I am so proud of their courage to come to our group. I hope they found healing, as I did my first time. But I was not as strong as they are; it took me a year before I could go to the beach house, and even then I almost backed out. Every trip there I find myself in a new place in my grieving. Sometimes I am yards ahead and doing well and others it is like I am back in the first year again. It is always two steps forward and three steps back. I felt good this trip, and because I was only able to go for the day on Saturday (I can't leave Monkey for that long when The Marine is away), I also couldn't allow myself to open up and explore some of those wounds. I know maybe I didn't allow myself to get too close to some of the ladies this weekend, but it wasn't for lack of wanting to know them. It was more out of self preservation, it is too hard to go home to Monkey at the end of the day with a bleeding heart. Luckily no one mom is at the same place at any given time. So even though I wasn't able to be at the level of opening up and grief and consolation. There are so many women in the group that were able to be there for these ladies. These ladies helped me and have been there time and time again, just like we will be there for these ladies. My family, in particular my mom and Fat head (couldn't have gotten this far with out her handling the stuff I couldn't) have been there no matter what, but these ladies offer an understanding in a different way. I have never told the story of the day my daughter died, and I probably never will. But that is OK, I don't have to. I am loved and welcomed and so is my baby girl. In our group, as we all get to know one another we receive a Nick-Name (our lame attempt at some sort of Hazing). Every time we meet we can never remember the names that have been issued, and some...Whom shall remain nameless (you know who you are Mademoiselle Pepe Le Pew) didn't like their name and had to change it. So My Nick-name is Mojo Momma. I was named this because at every moms retreat the ladies insist I make Cuban sandwiches. Well on Saturday I couldn't get the bottle of MOJO (Latin marinade) open for the pork. So basically I couldn't get my mojo on.............lol................is this thing on?...............guess you had to be there. Bebe would confirm that this was very funny, in fact on the floor giggling funny. However, that is how my nick name came to be. Lots of love to my Mom's group, see you in September!