"Part of becoming functioning again was accepting what I could not do, much as my father had done as his body had failed him. I could not Bring him back, as much as I tried, as much as I prayed. I could not let him go, which is what people who cared about me wanted. So many people, thinking they were taking care of me, asked if I was over Wade's death yet. I will never be "over" it, I would tell them, and they would look back at me blankly. If I had lost a leg, I would tell them, instead of a boy, no one would ask me if I was "over" it. They would ask how I was learning to walk without my leg. I was learning to walk and to breathe, and to live without Wade. And what I was learning was that it was never going to be the life I had before. Not unlike the wives welcoming home their warrior husbands, I had to adjust to a new reality. Clinging to the old reality with a living Wade was paralyzingly unattainable. As long as I did that I would never learn to walk."
Resilience - Elizabeth Edwards
Above is an excerpt from Elizabeth Edwards Book Resilience. The chapter in her book where she intimately discusses the loss of her son is so touching and poignant. Every feeling she addressed, every thought she thought, and every step she took at some point I have taken or will take. My journey of learning to walk and breath again with out Noelia will never be over, but every day that I smile again and gain strides into the life my family now has is an achievement.
This weekend Marks the semi-annual retreat of the Good Grief Mom's group. We are a group of women united by our children that are no longer on this earth. We meet and cherish our children and each other. We grieve together and we guide one another. There have been many times where I felt my world spinning, and these amazing ladies have been there to pull me back from the ledge with love and an understanding that their pain only reveals. All of our moms are so amazing I am not sure where I would be without all of you. See you tomorrow.
See the Good Grief Blog at http://beckylock.wordpress.com/ If you would like to know more please contact me or the group at the afore mentiuoned blog.
