Credit where Credit is due....

I would like to take a moment to give credit where credit is due. For those of you who enjoy my blog, its back ground and the stuff on it. I must direct some of the credit to http://cutestblogontheblock.blogspot.com/ where I borrow my backgrounds from and to my sister (Fathead) who maintains my blog. Any time there are issues, I want to change my background, or she notices a problem she "hacks my bog" and fixes it for me. That said, it really isn't hacking when she knows the pass word, but none the less she takes care of all of that for me. You should check her out at Morgan Madness http://morganrnl.blogspot.com/. She creates her own backgrounds, and I have to say her blog is the most creative I have ever seen fat head. I am so proud of her.

Mom's Weekend

This past weekend was a great weekend with my Mom's Group. There were highs and there were lows, but there always are. We had three new moms this weekend. All three lovely ladies. Two of them, had lost little girls too. I guess my baby girl isn't the only one amongst all boys anymore. Also, two of the new ladies loss' were within the last few months. I am so proud of their courage to come to our group. I hope they found healing, as I did my first time. But I was not as strong as they are; it took me a year before I could go to the beach house, and even then I almost backed out. Every trip there I find myself in a new place in my grieving. Sometimes I am yards ahead and doing well and others it is like I am back in the first year again. It is always two steps forward and three steps back. I felt good this trip, and because I was only able to go for the day on Saturday (I can't leave Monkey for that long when The Marine is away), I also couldn't allow myself to open up and explore some of those wounds. I know maybe I didn't allow myself to get too close to some of the ladies this weekend, but it wasn't for lack of wanting to know them. It was more out of self preservation, it is too hard to go home to Monkey at the end of the day with a bleeding heart. Luckily no one mom is at the same place at any given time. So even though I wasn't able to be at the level of opening up and grief and consolation. There are so many women in the group that were able to be there for these ladies. These ladies helped me and have been there time and time again, just like we will be there for these ladies. My family, in particular my mom and Fat head (couldn't have gotten this far with out her handling the stuff I couldn't) have been there no matter what, but these ladies offer an understanding in a different way. I have never told the story of the day my daughter died, and I probably never will. But that is OK, I don't have to. I am loved and welcomed and so is my baby girl. In our group, as we all get to know one another we receive a Nick-Name (our lame attempt at some sort of Hazing). Every time we meet we can never remember the names that have been issued, and some...Whom shall remain nameless (you know who you are Mademoiselle Pepe Le Pew) didn't like their name and had to change it. So My Nick-name is Mojo Momma. I was named this because at every moms retreat the ladies insist I make Cuban sandwiches. Well on Saturday I couldn't get the bottle of MOJO (Latin marinade) open for the pork. So basically I couldn't get my mojo on.............lol................is this thing on?...............guess you had to be there. Bebe would confirm that this was very funny, in fact on the floor giggling funny. However, that is how my nick name came to be. Lots of love to my Mom's group, see you in September!

Quote of the Day:

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

- Elizabeth Taylor

I must admit. I have found that although I do not have any vices (at least none that I am aware of) and no addictions (other than chocolate), I do find that I can often be annoying (atleast depending on the subject and who I am annoying - mostly The Marine). I think it's a fair statement.

Spin Cycle: Change

As a Marine wife change is a way of life for me. I am certain that any/all military wives can commiserate and will agree that change is part of the nomadic life style of a military family. At a moments notice you must be willing to be capable of dropping everything to follow orders, relocate, and/or separate from family for an unspecified amount of time. I'm not just talking about what The Marine must do. As a spouse I too have to follow his Command's orders (although they can't cuss and yell at me if I don't - but they can make The Marines life hell). Although I do not have a contract with the Marine Corps, I do have a contract with The Marine. This contract means I support him and his career. So the topic is change......well.......personally I do not mind change as long as I have a little control. With every Duty station and new home. I try to make sure that certain things remain the same. I usually try to make sure Monkey's room is immediately set up, so there is little change for her. I make sure that the family rituals do not change. Such as bed times remain the same at all times in all places unless there are special circumstances. Because our life changes so much and we can't control it, we try to keep change to a minimum on the things that we can control. Once furniture is in place, I hate moving it. I always paint and decorate with the same colors in each destination, and I often even try to keep with the same qualities in a home. These are all changes within my control.


Change is not always bad, it's just that when you have a lot of it constantly you tend hate change.

Mom! Can I pee in the Shower?!

So...... I am attempting to get Monkey to the point where she can bathe herself. Last night she was taking a shower and this is the conversation that ensued.....Monkey: Mom! Mommy! Momma!

Me: What!

Monkey: I have to pee! (everything was said with such drama and a little whining)

Me: So pee! (I couldn't help but imitate her screechy/whiny voice)

The curtain is whipped open....the monkey (standing there buck naked) cocks a hip and looks at me all while rolling her eyes at the same time (she is 4 going on 14).

Monkey: Mom...... (said very dramatically - emphasizing that mom clearly is stupid)

Monkey: Daddy said we don't pee in the bath tub.

Me: Well that is true, when we are taking a bath we don't go pee pee in the water. But if we are in the shower, it is ok, because our pee pee can go down the drain. Just make sure you do not pee on your bath toys or wash cloth.

Monkey: Sigh....(a big sigh that includes her shifting to the other hip and rolling her eyes at me again.

Monkey: Are you sure?

Me: go ahead! (I left the bathroom)

5 minutes later....

Monkey: Mom!

Me: what!

Monkey: Can I pee in the shower now!

Me: Yes....you could have done it ten minutes ago! (the great thing about potty trained girls is that they can hold it!)

Monkey: Um...Mom!

Me: What now?

Monkey: I think I peed on Ariel's head...giggle, giggle

Me: Well wash her hair!

It's all fun and games till someones head gets peed on.

Mom’s Who Lost Children / Good Grief

“Mom’s Who Lost Children/Good Grief”, began in 2003, and is a gathering for mother’s who have given back to God, one or more of their children in the past several years. We gather together for a time of healing, held in a safe and secure atmosphere. By honoring our children in this way, these Moms have chosen to glorify our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ in a very special way!” – Becky Lock, http://beckylock.wordpress.com

Becky is the founder and host of this group of women who come together to celebrate the children that they have lost. This weekend will be my third time with this wonderful group of ladies. Almost three years ago my youngest died. My world fell apart, and I can say with certainty there are times and moments in the past two years that I simply just do not recall, because I just shut down. However, I find that I finally feel as though a piece of my broken heart has healed a little. I do not believe that my family or I will ever fully recover from losing our little one. Monkey still misses Sissy every day. The Marine prefers not to talk about it, and as for myself I still cry myself to sleep most nights. But sometimes, there is a peace. I don’t know where it came from or when my heart healed enough to feel it, but I am slowly getting to a place where I feel like it is ok to be happy again.

I say all of this because this wonderful group has contributed to me finding this healing. These women are from all different walks of life, cities, and states. We share one bond, loving and losing our children to illness, accident, murder, or suicide.

If you have lost a child or know someone who has lost a child, the grieving process is excruciating. And no one person grieves the same or in the same time. I have found that for me it helped to be around a group of people that did not judge; that understood my loss, and even if they didn’t understand, they didn’t pretend, they just loved me and offered me a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. You do not have to tell your story, with these women, I didn’t at first. You can just be there and relish in the calm and loving atmosphere. That is what is so secure about Mom’s Weekend.

If you are interested in learning more about this group please let me know.

Quote of the week:

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.

- Andre Maurois

They do say opposites attract. That is the case with The Marine and I and although I hate to admit it in writing....I have read and enjoyed my fair share of cheesy easy reading romance novels. There is just something about a book that just doesn't take a lot of brain cells to process. Can the same be said for those we choose to love? I think that's a blog for a different day.

Valentine Grinch

I am the Valentine Grinch. Yes this passed weekend was valentines Day...the celebrated day of love. Gag!!! This year I am the Valentines Grinch. Why you ask? Because my only Valentines was Monkey. Oh... have no fear. I did the Valentines party at monkeys school (I even wore red!). I brought cookies and helped all the little kids pass their valentines. I got Monkey her regular Valentines Basket (she gets a basket for most every holiday - kind of like a Easter basket for every holiday). We told The Marine "Happy Valentines!" when he called. But all of this was done half-hearted. As I passed out cookies to each of Monkeys class mates I almost wanted to say to each one " Bah-hum-hart" are something equally Scroogy. But I didn't. That is why I couldn't bring myself to blog about love. My valentine is thousands of miles away, and to be quite honest he completely forgot about valentines until he called. Do I blame him? No....he has far more important things on his mind than a Hallmark Holiday. So This is my Valentines Hate Blog. However, this time next year, I hope to be able to do a Valentines Love Blog.

The Greatest Show on Earth?

Last week I took monkey to the Circus, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Baily Circus to be exact. We had a wonderful time. We ate hot dogs and hamburgers, popcorn, and cotton candy. We were fortunate enough to have a front row seat, and so we got to see everything! However, although the show was great and we truly enjoyed ourselves. The clowns were hysterical. Monkey particularly enjoyed the acrobats and elephants. We got a silly hat and a red nose. I couldn't help but be a little disappointed. You see as a child my parents took Fathead and I to see Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Baily Circus (RB&BB). It was this amazing three Ring circus with lions, tigers, bears (OH MY!), dogs, elephants, horses, clowns, presenters, acrobats, fire works, etc. My point is there were so many performers, so many acts, that it was almost hard to keep up with it all. The circus I went to was a single ring, the stands were not full, and there were maybe 20 performers, mostly same people in different acts. Again, I am not complaining.....in fact I kind of liked the intimacy of the smaller circus. But I can't help but ask, Has the bad economy hit the circus too? I must say that the circus has been around for hundreds of years in some form, and RB&BB lasted through the last major depression. I hope for the sake of our children it lasts another hundred years. Maybe one day Monkey will be able to take her own marmoset to the an RB&BB circus.

I have included pictures!!!!

Quote of the Week:

The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.

- Henry Kissinger

Isn't it funny how, when we run out of excuses, ideas, options the path is suddenly clear what we must do. Whether we like it or not, Nothing left to dispute. Life has a way of doing this kind of stuff to us....at least it does to me.

Quote of the Week:

Sorry this week's quote is a little late. The monkey has been sick, so email, blogging, and face book were put away for a bit. She is better and I am back!

"My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing."

- Jessica Alba

I must say that I agree with this statement. In fact I have been "confident" in my Fake-it till you Make-it abilities for years (Don't tell the Marine.....Just kidding). Someone once said to me, "You always look so nice and put together, do you ever have an off day?" I simply said, (And those close to me can attest to this) I have off days all the time, but as long as I get up and make myself look good (as good as God intended that is). Maybe...Just maybe the rest will follow suit. Besides if I have learned nothing else in the last couple years. If you do not have confidence in yourself, NO ONE will.